Today we talk with a bright, new up-&-comer in #Trivia_House.
We investigate the links between true love, marine college, pizza and the secret of
LilMonkey's banana bribes as we delve into the psyche of Roland_De.
Startling New Update:
Roland_De has now assumed an alias and has been put into the
#Trivia_House Witless Protection Program®© because LilMonkey found out
he was telling everyone his secrets so now there's a rather angry monkey with
a banana gunning for him.
Good luck Roland_De with your new circus career!
Morrigan
MEET THE NEWBIE -- Roland_De
Morrigan: Do you want to be my victim?
Roland_De: For what?
Morrigan: An interview.
Roland_De: Interview? Yeah!!!!!!!!
Roland_De: Take it easy on me.
Morrigan: Easy, what's that?
Roland_De: Uh oh.
Morrigan: How did you choose the nickname of Roland_De?
Roland_De: I'm a big fan of Stephen King. I see a bit of myself in Roland Deschain, the gunslinger from the Dark Tower series.
Roland_De: But of course the stupid nickserv chops off my schain everytime. Don't tell the ladies that! [G]
Morrigan: Well it makes you look mysterious in a way.
Roland_De: Really?
* Roland_De looks towards the shadows and wonders if he's being followed.
Morrigan: I thought the De was like short for Deutschland.
Roland_De: Nah! I'm Polish, I have a fear of anything German. [G]
Morrigan: Have you had many nicknames before?
Roland_De: Oh I've had many.
Morrigan: Like what?
Roland_De: When I first started coming online about 5 years ago I was a serious beer drinker, so I was Brewlovr. Then it moved to my older nicknames from high school like Z and Z-man. And every so often I'm The_Devil.
Morrigan: I think I like Roland better even if it does sound a little like a computer nerd in high school.
Roland_De: Hey! Who told?!?
* Roland_De looks in that dark corner again.
Roland_De: Are you gonna ask me a question about apples soon? [BG]
Morrigan: Why? Are you hungry?
Roland_De: Nah, I just ate actually .....
Roland_De: Just checking 'cause I'm not good at math [G]
* Roland_De puts his feet up on the couch.
Morrigan: Hey, did you wipe those?
* Roland_De wipes them on Morrigan's pants.
Roland_De: Yup.
Morrigan: HEY!
Roland_De: Guess you'll have to throw those in the washer. Let me take them from ya [BEG]
Morrigan: Is the Roland character in the book a pervert by chance?
Roland_De: Actually, that's all me [G]
Morrigan: Figures!
Morrigan: So do the girls in #Trivia_House know of your reputation?
Roland_De: Dammit!!!!!!
* Roland_De looks in the corner and shouts 'I told you not to say ANYTHING!!!!'
* Roland_De regains his composure
Roland_De: Which reputation was that again?
Morrigan: Where should I start?
* Roland_De announces to all the women that he is engaged and they should all quit trying so hard to snag him.
Roland_De: [BG]
Morrigan: Wow, who is the poor woman?
Roland_De: I imagined her.
Roland_De: No, I met her last year.
Morrigan: I see you are a pretty good points scorer. Do you look up encylopaedias and dictionaries for the answer?
Roland_De: I just know it, plus I have a good memory for questions I have seen before.
Roland_De: Oh and I FEEEEEEEEF.
* Roland_De looks in the corner ...... 'keep that to yourself too'
* Morrigan looks in the corner
Morrigan: Who are you talking to?
Roland_De: Someone who apparently keeps spreading vicious lies about me. [g]
Morrigan: Mhm sure, that's what they all say!
Roland_De: Don't listen to a thing he says Morri. I'm really just an average guy with a bit too much useless knowledge.
Morrigan: What are your plans and future ambitions in regards to #Triva_House?
Roland_De: Get 1st place one month and then just become the resident clown.
Morrigan: Oh that's what we call you behind your back! How'd you know?
Roland_De: I like the people here though. They're nice and pretty laid back. I'm finding I am older than most people when I thought I was younger.
Morrigan: Yeah, well since I envisioned you as a 14 year old high school student and you are waaaaaaaaaaaaay older ......
Roland_De: I still don't know how I managed to come off that way towards you. [G]
Morrigan: I think it's your attitude. And you are kinda silly.
Roland_De: Moi? Not possible.
Morrigan: When you were little, what did you want to be?
Roland_De: I've finally gotten back into writing and I think I'd like to write a book some day, but until then I'd like to finish my degree and make money doing something for other people.
Morrigan: What is your degree?
Roland_De: I don't have one. I kinda managed to get kicked out of college.
Roland_De: I didn't study and I partied way too much. It was New York City though, a chance in a lifetime.
Morrigan: Tsk tsk.
Roland_De: I was studying to be a marine vessel engineer. Basically a ship operator.
Roland_De: The guys that always die first if the ship sinks.
Morrigan: They actually teach that at college?
Morrigan: Don't they have a marine college for that?
Roland_De: That's where I was going. A tiny academy on Long Island, but it's federally run so when my grades dropped they booted me.
Morrigan: Favorite music?
Roland_De: Right now I'm totally getting into Tea party.
Roland_De: My favorite band of all time is The Police though.
Morrigan: Favorite historical time period?
Roland_De: Hmmm ..... that's a toughy.
Roland_De: Probably the middle ages. Lots of changes happened then.
Roland_De: People got smarter, but also more greedy.
Roland_De: And there was lots of sex goin' on too. [BG]
Roland_De: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Morrigan: Yes but they were dying of consumption and other diseases like gonorrhoea.
Roland_De: True.
Morrigan: Tell us your definition of true love?
Roland_De: You know it's true love when you can't stand to be away from that person. When you want to call her just to say you love her or even just "hello".
Roland_De: But mostly it's true love when the one you love makes you a better person just by loving you back.
Roland_De: I've gotten comfortable with myself because of my fiancée. She helps me through the rough times and I return the favor.
Roland_De: What about you Morri? Got a special someone?
Morrigan: This isn't my interview.
Roland_De: But all the inquiring minds want to know.
Roland_De: Just yesterday LilMonkey was saying he saw you at Fifi's. Are you an employee or a customer? [BG]
Morrigan: Only 'cause I had to haul his butt out of there and get him back to trivia where he belongs.
Roland_De: No wonder he was asking us lots of questions about dog breeds and stuff.
Roland_De: That crazy monkey.
Morrigan: It's like he has no morals or anything.
Roland_De: I heard he got fresh with you too.
Morrigan: Yeah he put his monkey hands on me, but Tim88 got tough with him and now he kind of cowers when he looks at us.
Morrigan: Has he ever tried to hit on you?
Roland_De: LilMonkey? No way! He sees that I've got some shiny guns strapped on so he doesn't come close.
Roland_De: Now Tim88 on the other hand. The man has noooo morals.
Morrigan: How would you know that?
Roland_De: You know why Tim88 doesn't get many points? He's constantly hitting on everybody in whisper boxes.
Morrigan: That's not what he told me. He said I was the only one!
* Morrigan wails.
* Roland_De leans in real close and whispers ..... 'I heard Tim steals all those bananas we give monkey'
Roland_De: See, what did I tell you? NO MORALS!!
Morrigan: I know about the bananas. To make banana pancakes. Who do you think makes him breakfast?
Roland_De: Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Roland_De: So his charming wiles got to you and now you're cooking him breakfast?
Roland_De: In bed?
Morrigan: No comment!
Roland_De: Probably better that way.
Morrigan: You are stranded on a deserted island. Who would you rather be with and why?
Morrigan: 1. Bill Gates. 2 Your favorite sports person. 3. LilMonkey. 4. never-ending supply of beer, or 5. Me.
Roland_De: Let's go through these choices one by one.
Roland_De: Bill Gates - only if I can cook him and eat him to save myself.
Roland_De: #2 leaves me wide open here. Anybody seen a picture of Anna Kournikova? Rowl!!!!
Morrigan: A tennis fan then?
Roland_De: Not a tennis fan, let's say a fan of Babes Playing Tennis.
Roland_De: LilMonkey - if he moofed on me I'd be kinda screwed.
Roland_De: #4 - I quit drinking about a year and 4 months ago.
Roland_De: #5 - my girl would really kill me, so how about I just sit on the island like Tom Hanks and dream of her until I'm rescued?
Morrigan: I don't know whether to feel insulted or exalted.
Roland_De: It's not meant as an insult and you can surely celebrate my decision if you'd like.
Roland_De: I'm not the easiet person to live with and on an island with no tv and no computer, there's only one other thing I like to do for entertainment!
Morrigan: Fish?
Roland_De: Ummmm ...... sorta .... in a way.
Morrigan: Maybe even swim?
* Roland_De's mind wanders off thinking of something.
* Morrigan slaps Roland_De until he comes back to the present.
Roland_De: Sorry, I was thinking about eating Bill Gates.
* Roland_De hopes you believe that.
Morrigan: Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure!
Morrigan: You have 10 pizzas and you eat 9, what does that make you?
Roland_De: A fat pig.
Morrigan: Do you share your last pizza or keep it for later?
Roland_De: You kiddin' me, I share.
Roland_De: Did you ever hear my theory about pizza?
Morrigan: No, do tell.
Roland_De: Pizza is like sex.
Roland_De: When its bad, it's still pretty good.
Roland_De: I wonder if people will still like me after this is all done? [G]
Morrigan: Do they like you now?
Roland_De: Most of them don't know me. I just started coming back in December, but I'm opening up. I like it here.
Morrigan: Why do you like it?
Roland_De: It's fun. People are a bit older so I can get away with being a bit crude.
Roland_De: Plus have you seen my score? I'm whoopin' a lot of their asses at this game.
Morrigan: Only 'cause you cough cheat cough.
* Roland_De hands monkey a whole bunch of bananas.
Roland_De: What'd you say?
Morrigan: And you feef.
Roland_De: And proudly.
Morrigan: So I say you pretty much fit in around here.
Roland_De: Yeah, but it was a tight fit.
Morrigan: What is on your computer / around your computer right at this moment in time?
Roland_De: A bottle of water for my meds and a book for reading at nite when i get bored for a bit, some video games and a plastic Eeyore.
Morrigan: What is on the wallpaper of your computer?
Roland_De: Nothing, it's plain but can I make something up?
Morrigan: Sure if you want.
Roland_De: I have wallpaper of lots of cute little happy monkeys.
Morrigan: Man, you are just laying it on thick to get the points, aren't you?
Roland_De: Gotta do what you can.
Morrigan: Well I guess if you can't actually answer the questions then you have to try other methods. Roland_De: Look who's talking. You aren't even in the top 20.
Morrigan: Well you see, I have been in the top 10s and top 20s before so I don't need to be anymore. I like to let everyone have a go.
Roland_De: Ahh and instead of my dream to be the room clown, you've decided to be the room's Barbara Walters?
Morrigan: But I'm way prettier than her.
Roland_De: Yeah. Well Barb doesn't go to the interview wearing a thong.
Roland_De: And are those coconut shells?
Morrigan: Only 'cause LilMonkey stole my clothes.
Morrigan: He thinks it's funny.
Roland_De: He's a smart monkey.
Morrigan: Smart ass monkey more like it.
Roland_De: Of course it kinda distracted me during the interview. Did I really say I would share my last pizza?
Morrigan: Yes you did.
Roland_De: Maybe I will anyways [G]
Roland_De: You ever play strip poker, seeing how you have that thong and those shells I could win pretty fast.
Morrigan: You assume a lot, maybe I am good at poker.
Morrigan: And also ...... if you lose, I'd have to see you naked.
Roland_De: I won't lose.
Morrigan: I never lose.
* Roland_De puts on 4 layers of clothing just in case.
Morrigan: Chicken.
* Roland_De laughs.
Morrigan: Before I finish do you have anything you'd like to get off your chest and please don't let it be your shirt!
Roland_De: I hope that people don't take my brand of humor the wrong way. I'm just fun-loving.
Morrigan: Duly noted. Thank you for the time and the pizza.
Roland_De: Hey, you stole it when I wasn't lookin'.
Morrigan: So?
Roland_De: Go ahead and keep it. I spat on it when you went to cool off after I mentioned strip poker.
Morrigan: Lucky I fed it to LilMonkey then for extra points.
Roland_De: Do you think 'People' will be knocking on my door tomorrow?
Morrigan: Only if I can get naked pictures of you will they.
Roland_De: If I passed that out then I'd be in serious trouble but I don't mind teasing you with them. [G]
* Morrigan is blinded ........ aaaaaaaaah, my eyes, my eyes.
Roland_De: I was lying about spitting on the pizza. It was a deal I had with monk for more points actually and it worked perfectly. [BG]
Morrigan: I knew it, I knew it!!!!!
Morrigan: You cheater!
Roland_De: You're welcome, thanks for the fun.
Morrigan: The pleasure was all mine.
© January 2001
Express permission is granted for viewing and printing this interview.
Permission is not given for any other use.
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Check it out. LilMonkey gives it 5 bananas.